Week 6 – money Challenge – A love letter

How do you feel about money –
IN ONE WORD?

LONGING

“Strong, persistent desire or craving, especially for something unattainable or distant” (Desire has a vibration of 125 it is in the realm of lack and limitation. In order to draw more abundance, I must raise my vibration to Neutrality, which vibrates on 250 or Optimism which vibrates on 310. In order to do that I say the following affirmation every day 50X a day with enthusiasm.  ‘MONEY FLOWS FREELY AND EASILY TO ME’ – This changes the Peptides my brain has still some addictions to what I experienced in childhood.

or

BY-PRODUCT

My Mother the Money Launderer?

My mother was a cheapskate when it came to her daughters. There were so many mixed messages that were received around being a girl and relationships with our brothers and father, not to mention money and the role of being born a girl while growing up that I believed I must be adopted.

After dad came back from working abroad for a few years, my parents cleared their mortgage and dad set up his own business as a self-employed builder. My parents were happy, and there seemed to be lots of money everywhere in the house. Often it would get washed with the clothes and my siblings, and I were given the duty to carefully try and peel the cash apart and dry out the £50 notes and £20 notes, etc. It was a job that needed doing with the most delicate touch indeed. Have you ever tried peeling apart a wad of money, that had gone through the washing machine? Much of the money was not retrievable, and it had turned into a colorful mush. I remember looking that the pulp and feeling disappointed that the money was wasted.

Sometimes, mum would come home and find £20’s and £50’s lying in the garden as my fathers clothes dried, the money had found itself floating around on the ground. She would be amazed know body had seen it and she would quickly pick it all up and make us promise not to tell our father. 

Dad drove a vehicle that was very old, and its passenger seat would be made stable with paint can’s underneath to keep it balanced. I would make sure I sat very still when he took me to school just in case the seat toppled over. I was often embarrassed to be seen in it, and that attitude to life continued where my father’s grandchildren felt the same embarrassment, hoping none of their friends would see them climbing into the back of a confined builder van covered with cement, dust and building materials, because dad refused to get a car. He didn’t want to waste his money on another vehicle. He often didn’t buy himself anything, and when any of us bought him clothing when we grew up, he loved it. He enjoyed looking handsome and clean and yet he wouldn’t do it for himself. We were not poor; mum would have pure gold jewelry made to her taste and the most beautiful clothes brought over from the middle east for her, but dad would spend very little indeed on himself, except for his cigarettes, which he smoked like a chimney. Money was abundant, but the attitude towards the money was that of scarcity when it came to the daughters. Anything we wanted and that included sanitary towels when we started having periods was a vast hu ha with our mother!!!!
Going to the hairdressers, wasn’t worth the aggravation and neither was showing them a letter from school about any school trips. I did not want the lecture of how hard my father was working and that it wasn’t necessary for girls to go to school trips when they should focus on becoming good housewives, learn to cook, sew and clean.

As we grew up, the finances grew, but as the cash increased, my parents became more frugal; often worrying about losing the money. My father lost a significant amount on the stock market nearly over 100k and this massively affected his self-esteem. He was always fearful around spending his money and worrying about retirement and whether anyone would look after them when they are old if they don’t have the money. Many of the beliefs from my mother and fathers families were present as well and these they added to the ideas they were sharing about money with us. Money became a word we feared to talk about at home. It was tough to ask for any spending money, and even when the ice-cream van came, I was hesitant to ask mum. It was a bit easier to ask dad if we all wanted an ice-cream, but became harder as we grew up.

When it came to buying things for my sister and me, everything was too expensive. The way that my mother acted was as if we were broke or extremely poor. But dad was earning abundantly; we were always finding money that was lined up to dry from an unchecked washing machine cycle. Money was flowing out of both my mothers and fathers purses, but mum was behaving like they didn’t have any. We never went out to eat, only very wealthy people did that, they told us. We never went to the supermarket as only people who are wasteful with their money went there. I did hate their stingy habits, and I became the opposite. I wanted everything to be the best I could get. Even though when we went to weddings, my sister and I could make anything look amazing.

I had decided when I became a parent myself that Money was never going to be the reason why I couldn’t buy something. Once I could, I had credit cards, membership cards, store cards anything I could get my hands on. Gradually this became worse when I resigned in 2012 from my fulltime job to pursue a life of learning and following my dreams. As the transition happened much of life was moving over to living on credit. It became harder and harder as the amounts became large once personal development courses and further education fees started adding up. Things became painfully tough!

How our past affects us today

As we encounter the pressures of being an adult, our childhood emotions affect us in every relationship that we have and that also includes our relationship with money. I had emotions of Anger, Shame, Guilt, Grief, Fear, and Desire all wrapped up and these emotions came to the surface with my marriage and with anything where I feel a strong emotion. Money is one of those relationships. When I felt frustrated I recognized I was becoming stuck, even though my adult self-knows I must stay calm, loving and peaceful, there was something more powerful trying to control me and that was my peptides wanting their fix.

I read the book by John Gray called; Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. In the book, John talks about the power of writing love letters once a week, to heal the past and create new neurological links. So I shall commit to writing a love letter to Money and build that relationship so that the universe recognizes I am fully receiving what is coming to me. Money is a big part of my life, and when I learn how to get my finances under control like I am doing with my mind, all areas of my life will soar.

A LOVE LETTER (TEMPLATE)

Dear _________________________  Date ________________

I am writing this letter to share my feelings with you.

For Anger

  • I don’t like it …
  • I feel frustrated …
  • I am angry that …
  • I feel annoyed …
  • I want …

For Sadness

  • I feel disappointed …
  • I am sad that …
  • I feel hurt …
  • I wanted …
  • I want …

For Fear

  • I feel worried …
  • I am afraid …
  • I feel scared …
  • I do not want …
  • I need …
  • I want …

For Regret

  • I feel embarrassed …
  • I am sorry …
  • I feel ashamed …
  • I didn’t want …
  • I want …

For Love

  • I love …
  • I want …
  • I understand …
  • I forgive …
  • I appreciate …
  • I thank you for …
  • I know …

A LOVE LETTER TO MONEY

Dearest Money

I don’t like it when you drop into my account just after the bills are due. I feel frustrated when I have to find ways to make things work, and that puts a lot of pressure on me. I am angry that I work so hard and I have nothing to spend on nurturing and caring for my own needs. I feel annoyed when I barely have enough of you for my education, play or financial freedom accounts. I want to keep the Harmony between us, and for you to recognize, that I have a lot to offer and it is now time for you to work in harmony with me too. With you, I experience treasured times and make the memories happier. I believe you know I deserve to be cherished with your tender love and kindness.

I feel disappointed when I have more than enough of you being around, and then you disappear so quickly, and I have little or nothing to show for it. I am sad that despite the efforts I put in, I have continually challenged emotionally and resourcefully too. I wanted to come to a point in my life where I am free now to do whatever I like and enjoy my beauty thoroughly. I want you to appreciate me because I am willing and receptive to your sufficient flow.

I feel worried that I won’t have enough of you to pursue my dreams. I am afraid that despite all my efforts, my dream will be unfulfilled and I will continue to struggle alone. I feel scared that my life is just always going to be challenging. I do not want to feel that kind of pressure. I want to have fun and enjoy myself doing what I love with you and feeling like a million dollars. I need you to appreciate just how amazing I am, unique and loving at the same time. I want you to flow into my life like water flowing through my body quenching my thirst.

I feel embarrassed asking money from others or not having enough of you in my life. I am sorry that I had mistreated you in the past by not appreciating you enough, but I am so much better now and respect you much more. I was wrong, will you accept my apology. I didn’t want my life to be a struggle and a game of juggling that it became for the last three years. I want you to recognize, that I appreciate you very much and know that I have a responsibility to look after you correctly, which I endeavor to do.

I love what you do for me very much. You make my life light and full of enjoyment. I want you to know that when you are flowing through me, it allows me to step into my true self and you empower me to serve humanity on a global scale. You help and guide me to transform consciousness through the generations I can impact.  I understand you only want to go where you are respected, loved unconditionally and appreciated. I trust you can forgive me for any wrongdoing in the past. I appreciate you so very much, and when you arrive, I am so genuinely excited that the energy in my whole body lights up. I thank you for always having my back and still finding ways to turn up when I need you the most. I know that I may have upset you because I hadn’t learned how to work with you efficiently, but I have now, and I am very excited about our future together. Whenever you arrive home, I will kiss and celebrate you so you can see how delighted I am with you in my life. I have full faith and trust in our future together to be one of massive growth and prosperity.

PS:

I love you with all my heart Naila and I am already flowing abundantly in your life. Manage me properly by taking time to always focus on your Net Worth because that is how I can be drawn to you with greater abundance. Always focus on the good thoughts about what we do together, and I will be drawn to you again in abundance, over and over. Focus only on the positive feelings I give you and trust and accept me as I am and I will bring you much joy and bliss.

_______________________________________________________

What cash have I deposited in my FFA (Financial Freedom) Account in week five?

Day 29 – £4.41 cash
Day 30 – £1.61 cash
Day 31 – £1.35 cash
Day 32– £4.26 cash
Day 33 – £0.09 cash
Day 34 – £4.20 cash
Day 35 – £0.07 cash

Week 5 – Total Deposited £15.99

 
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